Out Of Goodbyes
by summerdreaming
Summary: He was actually doing it. He was actually leaving. / Sam & Freddie.
1. Retribution

Chapter One: Retribution

Her fingers fisted around the fabric of his shirt, her knuckles a startling white against the navy blue. He didn't even look up.

"You told me to go," he said, his voice emotionless. "I'm doing what you want."

He was actually doing it. He was actually leaving.

"Please," she choked out. Her eyes were starting to blur. She blinked hastily, sending wet trails down her cheeks. "I didn't mean it." His head suddenly snapped up and their eyes met.

"Like how you didn't mean to hurt me, Sam? Or how you didn't mean to, oh—_I don't know_," his voice was rising, he didn't bother to hide the sarcasm. He glared at her and she shrank back, dropping her hand and looking away. She couldn't meet his gaze.

"How you didn't meant to _sleep_ with my best friend?" She winced. He waited for an answer.

He didn't get one. The silence stretched on. He was the first to break it.

"Or maybe how you didn't mean it when you said you loved me," his voice was quiet, resigned. She looked up. He looked so broken, so defeated. He met her gaze and she could see the pain in them. She opened her mouth to say something but he shut his eyes quickly, a lone tear escaping its confines. He rubbed it away impatiently and his face turned expressionless once more. He looked at her for a moment and opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it and shut his mouth again. He glanced towards the door, picked up his discarded duffel bag and smoothed down his hair.

"I'll be back in a few days to get the rest of my things," he said quietly and made his way to the door. "Bye, Sam."

He didn't even look back.

A/N: Don't really know where this is going so bear with me if I take forever to update. I'm open to ideas. Review, please! They make my day. :)


	2. Regret

Chapter Two: Regret

Sam woke up the next day feeling slightly disoriented.

She groaned and rolled to her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows. She squinted in the glare of the harsh sunlight that seeped through the curtains. The clock on her bedside table read 6:45 am.

She scanned the bedroom a little blearily. It looked the same as it had yesterday except now, it felt emptier than ever.

It was a wonder she was able to sleep at all. Half the night she just lay there, contemplating all the idiotic things she'd done in life and was slightly irked when she realized the list was impossibly long. Sitting in first place of all the daft things she'd done would be sleeping with Brad.

Well, wasn't she an idiot.

She tossed and turned the rest of the night, wondering where he was and what he was doing and then scolding herself for even thinking about him. And then repeating the whole process. She fell into a fitful sleep a little before dawn.

She dragged herself out of bed, ignoring the pounding headache, and got dressed.

She ran, as was routine and returned an hour and a half later to six miscalls on her mobile. She didn't even bother to check who they were from. She skipped breakfast, took a shower and went to work at nine.

She returned to an empty apartment at half past one, slipped off her work clothes and shrugged into the most comfortable thing she owned: Freddie's oversized jersey.

She sat numbly on the sofa the rest of the afternoon, a tub of Ben & Jerry's nestled in her lap. The ice cream was melted and lumpy and didn't look as appealing as it did an hour ago. _A Walk To Remember_ was on the flatscreen, paused at the part where Jaime and Landon slow danced on the balcony. She glared at the frozen scene and rubbed at her red eyes. Stupid love. Made life so much more complicated. She sniffled a bit then scowled. Well, wasn't she emotional?

She hated how vulnerable she got when it came to Freddie. How utterly weak she became in his presence. She never cried in front of anyone except him and she didn't really know how to feel about that. She really wished he was back. Back here with her, back here beside her so he could tell her everything was okay. That they were going to be fine.

_Your fault_, a small voice in her head reminded her. _Your fault. _She grimaced at nothing and pulled her knees to her chest, discarding her soggy tub. She drew in a shaky breath and rested her chin atop her knees. She missed him already and it hadn't even been a whole day yet.

Half of her was stubborn enough and ignored the ache that told her she needed him. The other half… Well.

"Damn it all," she whispered a little hoarsely, kicked the blanket wrapped around her legs and fumbled for her phone. She tripped over her own feet and went tumbling down, knocking the coffee table askew and bruising her elbow. She landed face down, taking a mouthful of the slightly dusty carpet. She groaned into the carpet and shifted to her back, ignoring the smarting of her elbow. She stayed there longer than necessary, wallowing in her self-pity.

The shrill ring of the telephone jolted her out of her wallowing and she scrambled to her feet. She kicked the blanket for good measure and made her way towards the tiny kitchen of the apartment.

"Hello?" she said, a little gruffly. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Hello?"

"Yeah—Sam?" the voice on the other end was slightly timid. She cocked an eyebrow, recognizing the voice.

"Yes, Carly?" she said a little brusquely. Sam could almost see her wince.

"I – I wanted to talk to Freddie," Carly replied. Sam rolled her eyes and bit back a sarcastic retort.

"He isn't here, Carly," she said, ignoring the little pang of pain when she said this.

Silence.

Then, "Where'd he go?" Sam heaved a sigh and ran her fingers through her hair, wincing as her fingers tangled in her tresses.

"He – well, he left," she answered lamely and mentally slapped herself for getting dragged into this conversation. She should have slammed the receiver back down once she'd recognized the voice. _Stupid_, she chided herself again. Carly was just too damned nosy for her own good.

"Where'd he go?" Carly repeated, a spark of curiosity apparent in her voice.

"Somewhere," Sam answered vaguely.

"Oh," an awkward silence settled.

"I – I've got to go," Sam said a little hurriedly. "I've got cupcakes baking, wouldn't want them to burn." She didn't even wait for a reply and slammed the receiver down. She blew out a breath and turned back to the living room when something caught her eye.

Stuck haphazardly onto the note board above the kitchen counter was a Post-It with someone's messy scrawl on it. Her heart did a little jump and she rushed towards it, all thoughts of self-dependency forgotten. Why she didn't see this sooner, she didn't know.

She plucked it off quickly, sending the magnet that held it to the surface clattering on the floor.

_I'll pass by tomorrow to get my things. Thanks for everything. See you around._

It wasn't signed but she knew who it was from. She read it a second time. Then a third.. When what the note said started sinking in, she crumpled it in her fist, let out a small yell and threw the yellow ball as far as she could. It bounced off the wall parallel to her and settled at her feet. She kicked it then chased it down. She stomped on it hard and kicked it several more times.

Then she picked it up, dusted it off and smoothed it out. The edges of her vision started to blur. She set down the note on the kitchen table and settled her hands, palms down, on the surface. Then she hung her head and let the tears fall.

**oOo**

_A/N: Sorry this took forever. My internet has not been cooperating with me. :( Reviews are welcomed! Tell me what you think. More details? Less details? Does it suck a lot? Tell me! _


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